Showing posts from April, 2017

Chapter Twelve: Forgiveness


     Have you ever had a good friend, but they did something to you and refused to see their wrongdoings and apologize? Can you forgive them, and if so, how difficult is it for you to forgive them and why? That's the question I asked 12 people tonight, and I got some very good answers, as always. I've had this happen to me so many times, and I know that it can be so difficult to forgive people, even when they DO admit their wrongdoing and apologize. So forgiving someone when they haven't asked for forgiveness can be one of the hardest things in the world.
     Most of the people I asked responded in a similar type of way, but all had their own insight on it. They told me that it honestly depends on the situation, but that they would eventually find it in their heart to forgive the person. One person said she pretty much always finds a way to forgive them because she was cursed with a big heart. Another friend said in the past, she wouldn't have ever forgiven som…

Chapter Eleven: The Beauty of Failure


“Our greatest glory is not in never failing,
but in rising up every time we fail.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

     Failure. It's nothing new to anyone, especially me. More times than I can ever count, I have failed at something. But that's bound to happen, right? I know for sure there are many things I'm not good at that I will probably always fail at, and that's not me being negative, it's me being realistic. Like, I will probably always fail at peeing like a man. That's just how it is. I will probably always fail at being not socially awkward. Failure is defined of literally the opposite of success. But to me, it's part of success. Trying and failing over and over is what makes the success that much sweeter once you find it. Failure isn't means to an end, and it's not permanent; what's permanent is not trying in the first place because you're afraid to fail. The most important part of failure is how to overcome it. 
     In high school, …

Chapter Ten: Home Away From Home


Everyone has that one place; their home away from home, their vacation spot, a special place that holds the most memories for them. For me, that place is Cutler, Maine. My family has land there and a trailer, and we used to go there pretty much every year in the summer time. We also have some family there. I can remember going there, just my parents, my two brothers and I, sometimes with my grandparents, sometimes we'd bring friends along, and we always had so much fun. We'd pack up the car and take the almost 6 hour drive (it felt like 10). We'd stop for groceries before we got there, because the closest grocery store is 30 minutes away. Then we'd arrive at the camp, unpack everything, and head outside to the great outdoors.
     The trailer is on a blueberry field. You can literally wake up and walk down the field eating fresh blueberries for breakfast, and take a hike into the woods. You can ride a fourwheeler in and go mudding. You can shoot guns, go for hik…

Chapter Nine: Grief and Friends


     Grief. It's a tough thing to go through. I know that everyone has lost someone, whether it be a pet, a best friend, a classmate, or a family member. I've lost all of those. Everybody handles it in their own way, some better than others. It's okay, nobody can tell you how to handle your grief. I always have a particularly hard time getting over things. I admire people who can just look at it, have a good cry and shrug it off, and move on with their life. For tonight's post, I decided to interview 12 people who are my friends, both male and female, of all different ages, and ask them one simple question: How do you handle your grief? I wanted to know, when you lose someone, or go through a divorce, breakup, whatever, how you cope and get through that grief that comes along. I got a very wide range of answers, and it was an interesting process for me. Now, just so you know, I'm not judging any of these. Like I said, everyone has their own coping mechanisms…

Chapter Eight: Pet Peeves


     It's been one week today since I first started this blog. So, I figured for the end of my first week, I would post about something fun and less serious. Tonight, I'm going to talk about pet peeves. You know, the things that make you cringe, the things that bother you the most about other people. They aren't going to be in any particular order, but just know: they are all things that seriously bother me. So PLEASE don't take my sharing with you as an invitation to mess with me. I also think I'm doing this because I really need to rant and blow off some steam, so bare with me.
    Alright, let's begin with the universal one: CHEWING WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN. It bothers me to no end. I understand if you're alone, or you can't breathe through your nose or something, but it's just gross! Picture this. You're sitting in a restaurant, just enjoying your delicious meal, and the person across from you is mowing face and chewing like a cow and you …

Chapter Seven: Dreams


Every once in a while, I like to sit down and imagine what my future will look like. Will I have a house, husband, kids, dogs? What will I be doing? Will I be successful? It's just a fun little thing I do when I'm having a bad day or feeling particularly sad about something. I imagine all the little details. A brighter future.

     This time last year, I had a whole different idea of what the future would look like. That was before the breakup with Number Two. I thought he and I would be together. That I would be someone I clearly was not meant to be. It's amazing how much has changed since then. I realize now that I truly wasn't happy, that maybe he was doing me a favor by dumping me. I was just kind of going through the motions; going out and doing nothing together, and the relationship truthfully got kind of boring. In the beginning, that was enough. But it seemed like it was going nowhere. So when it ended, sure, I was devastated, but mostly because I had ju…

Chapter Six: Bucket List


     I'm going to die. That's right, one day I'm going to die. I'm hoping it won't be anytime soon, but it's an inevitable fact. Everyone will die someday. Some sooner than others; that's just how life goes. And nobody wants to die before they get the chance to do everything they want to do, and accomplish everything they want to accomplish. That's why society has come up with something called "The Bucket List" (a list of things they want to do before they kick the bucket). The Bucket List is pretty well known, there's even a movie about it. You know, with Morgan Freeman? That's the one. Well, I've never been one to formally write out my bucket list, but tonight I'm going to try.
1) Publish at least one book. I've been a writer for as long as I can remember. I used to carry this notebook around with me, always writing this one story. I filled the entire notebook with the story over a year or two, and I always added t…

Chapter Five: A Letter to My 16-year Old Self


 Dear Sixteen Year Old Me,      Let me begin by saying I can understand why everything seems so hopeless to you. You're a junior in high school, newly licensed and ready to move, but nowhere to go, and no money to spend. You have so many friends who seem to love you, but every day is a constant battle to try to keep them happy. Everyone wants something from you. Your parents want you to be a good girl; do well in school, do chores and go to church, be a part of extracurriculars, and eat all your vegetables. Your teachers want you to learn all day, starting at 7 am until 2 pm, and then go home and do three hours of homework while still maintaining your sanity. Your friends want you to have fun and party and rebel and do all the things you shouldn't. But what do you want? All these people expect you to juggle all these things while still having a smile on your face. It's enough to drive anyone nuts, and you're only sixteen, so keeping it all together doesn't c…

Chapter Four: Auntie Jessa


     One of the most rewarding things in the world is being an auntie. If you've never had a niece or nephew, you don't know what I'm talking about. You get to have all the fun and playtime you want, kisses and cuddles, sweets and treats, and then you can hand the kid back at the end of it. That's the best part, right? Ha, just kidding. My niece and nephew are my two absolute favorite people in the whole world. They will always come first to me. Sorry everyone. Although I do love my boyfriend and the rest of my family and my friends, Ellie and Eliot are the lights of my life. I think the best day of my life, besides them being born, was the day I first heard Ellie say, "I love you, Auntie." It was the cutest thing I've ever heard, and my heart pretty much melted right there.
    When I first found out that my brother, Jonny, was going to be a dad, I remember thinking, "Wow, that's so weird." I had grown up with him, and I guess I had n…

Chapter Three: Finding your Outlets


     Sometimes I wonder if other people have ever felt like being a different person for a few minutes just to get out of their own head. Or is it just me? I doubt it. Anyone who knows me knows how scatterbrained I can be, and also how much I can drive myself crazy obsessing over things that shouldn't even matter. I can't help it, it's just how I am. One of the outlets I use to escape my own brain is music. I like to drive in the car with the music blaring, windows open, dancing around and probably looking like a complete idiot. I also like to sit in my room with the lights off, headphones on, eyes closed.  It depends on the mood. I like to make it so loud that I can't hear anything else, including my own thoughts (probably not good for my ears, but who cares?).
    Also depending on my mood, I like to listen to a very large variety of music. Honestly, pretty much anything. Love songs, cute songs, rap songs, heavy metal, country (VERY LIMITED COUNTRY), classical…

Chapter Two: Not Alone


     Have you ever sat in a room full of people and still felt absolutely alone? Well, I have. It's not like I didn't enjoy the company of the people in the room, and it's nothing personal to them. Just, feeling alone has always been a part of my life. Some people see being alone and being lonely as two different things. I disagree. I've felt both at separate times, in separate situations. Just because you have people around you that love you, it doesn't necessarily mean you don't feel alone.

     Sometimes, being alone can be good. Believe me, I'm trying to be able to be alone. But when you're sitting in a room and you are physically alone with nothing to occupy you, your mind can tend to wander. When this happens to me, I'm usually staring mindlessly at a screen, not even paying attention to what's on it. My brain starts to play with me, thoughts darting around faster than fireflies. Thoughts about people, my body, my past mistakes, and…

Pilot: The Mistakes One and Two


     So, here it is. I've never really thought of myself as a blogging kind of person. I don't know what kind of person I am. But I've finally decided I need a space to put down all my thoughts, in their most honest forms. There are a lot of things that have gotten me to this spot I'm in today, and hopefully I'll be able to put them out there in a way that I can make you. and myself, understand.For some reason, I've always had trouble saying my thoughts out loud. I'm not one to verbalize how I'm feeling in fear of confrontation. I know, I know.. I'm working on it. It's hard, though. You know. Some people have such a natural way of confronting people. Me? I kind of just write it down. Being able to compose my own way of saying things without the pressure of the back talk and interrupting is the only sort of control I have over my crazy, Netflix-worthy television series of a life.

That's why I've created my own safe haven, of sorts.…