The New Me

5/31/17      I am just a girl, who doesn't know when to shut up. I'm a woman who can stand up for herself, who knows what she deserves, who believes in things and sticks to those beliefs. I am creative, because I can look at trash and turn it into a treasure. I'm a teacher, because I have the patience to show you what I know without giving up on you. I'm an artist, because I can see the bigger picture and am able to create something truly beautiful. I'm a writer, because I am more able to put my feelings on paper than to actually speak them out loud. I'm a daughter, of two wonderful people who have taught me how to be who I am. I'm a sister, and I've built an incredible bond with my siblings, who have always supported me and taken care of me. I'm an auntie, to two amazing little children, who I love to watch laugh, grow and dance. I'm a girlfriend, to the best man in the entire world, who is always there to pick me up when I fall, and who wi

5/30/17      Anthony: I went to a shrink today. He told me that I need medication. He said my irrational behavior comes from something called bipolar disorder. But I am NOT crazy. He prescribed me the meds, and I never went and picked them up. I'm NOT crazy. I'm fine. I'm happy, actually. I just started my new job, and it's going pretty well. The therapist told me that I needed to take my new meds and stay out of work for a few days while I get used to them. That I should rest. Well, doctor's orders. I have to call my boss today and tell him the news. I don't know how he'll take it. He isn't the nicest guy, and he doesn't take any BS. I'm kind of nervous. I also have a girlfriend, Cherise, who is amazing, and we live together. I haven't told her about my diagnosis yet, either. I think she'll understand, and she'll definitely stick with me through this. I'll be fine. I'm not crazy.      Cherise: Anthony just called me.

5/29/17      This is a story I wrote based on a real news article that occurred about 5 years ago.      James: I didn't understand why they wanted to hurt me. Mommy and her boyfriend said "We have to go away now." And then they dropped me off at a building with bright lights and lots of people were wheeling me on a big boy bed into a room. Then they told me they would be there when I woke up and I fell asleep. I must have been really sleepy. I had dreams that we lived in a big house and that Mommy's boyfriend went away. The little bags of powdered sugar that he sucked up with a straw were gone, and we had a freezer full of ice cream and chicken nuggets. Nobody ever wanted to make purple spots on my skin that hurt when I poked them. When I woke up, I couldn't see anything and I didn't remember anything from before I went to sleep. I didn't know why the lights were off, but the strangers in white coats told me that I couldn't see 'cause I wa

5/25/17      I was never a big partier in high school. I didn't really care for drugs or alcohol, besides smoking a little bit of weed every now and then. But people I knew were into hard drugs. People that I was close with. I couldn't really see the appeal in it; I knew it killed people I loved, I knew that the drugs took over people's lives and tore them apart. It didn't just hurt the people that were doing it. It hurt everyone around them. Their families, their friends, their coworkers and teachers. I think in school everyone talked about it, but no one confronted it. No one wanted to actually own up to it. Nobody wanted to help the people that were struggling; they only wanted to turn a blind eye and wait for something to happen, for it to go away on its own. But it never did. It kept getting worse and worse, until it consumed my classmates. It took over the school, it turned people against each other. Not only did they get in trouble with the law, but they l

5/24/17      Do you ever wake up from a dream and wonder "What the hell was that?!" It happens to me all the time. The dreams I do remember are always followed by a sense of confusion. Sometimes I wake up sweating, disoriented, sometimes I wake up happy and smiling, or angry. My most memorable dream is one where I am running through this field full of beautiful flowers, it's a nice, warm sunny day, and I am running through these flowers, without a care in the world. Then I hear something chasing me, and I turn around and it's my mother with a knife. I've had this dream since I was a little girl, for as long as I can remember. Every time I have it, the knife my mother is holding gets a little bit bigger. I'm not even going to try and imagine what this dream might mean. Some people try to interpret your dreams, but I don't know if all of them actually mean something. Maybe it's just because I had Chinese food for dinner, who knows? Maybe it's

5/22/17      A true story      The girl looked down at her phone. She had one message waiting for her in her inbox. "We have to talk," it said, and that was all. No other explanations. She set her phone down on the counter, wondering to herself what it could be. She had a weird feeling that it would not be something good. Her heart did a somersault in her chest. Somehow in her heart, she knew it was over.      The next day, he came over to her house. Her parents were out of town on vacation, and she was the only one home. They sat outside on the porch swing, their legs dangling side by side. He sat as far away from her on the swing as he could, not making eye contact. "What is it?" she asked him, her heart racing.      "I don't think I can be with you anymore," he said, and slowly turned his head to look at her. She looked into his bright eyes, seeing nothing. Not love, not compassion, not an ounce of pain. The tears came instantly, stinging h

5/21/17           The last thing I would ever want to do is speak for other women when not every single one of us go through all the same problems. Every woman is unique in her own way, and with that comes different adversity. But I have been hearing a lot lately, and well, my entire life, that women have it so easy and we do nothing to contribute to society. And that's just bullshit; and it's just not my opinion. It's a fact. Women work harder just struggling to be themselves every day than any man works at any job. I'm not saying that men don't struggle with these same things...but it's different. I know I only have 22 years of experience being a female, but in these 22 years I have gone through so many emotions and struggles and I know that almost all other women have as well. Today I woke up early in the morning, feeling refreshed, happy, and awake. Tomorrow I will probably wake up and want to strangle the first person I see. We as women go through w

5/18/17      Good evening. I realize it's been a week since I've posted anything, and I'm truly sorry. I'm kind of angry at myself that I haven't been able to keep my promise to myself of writing something every day. I've been sick and couldn't focus on anything, I don't know where my head's been at lately. So tonight what I'm going to do is sit here and just write exactly what is on my mind. Something I've been noticing most recently is the way things change over time. It's not always a big chance, not always something significant that is obvious to the eye. Just a shift in mood, a shift in seasons, weather, vibes, whatever you want to call it. Have you ever moved away or gone on a vacation and come back and everything is different somehow? The atmosphere is different; a house has been painted a different color, someone has moved away, a sign has been taken down, a new store has been opened.      Lately I've been driving a

5/11/17       Ever since I was young, I've had a dream of teaching art to kids. As I grew older, I adapted that dream into having my own kids and doing art with them, and teaching them everything I know. Dreams of the future and all the things I want to be doing, the family I want to have, and the job I want to be doing are what help me get through every tough time I have. Today I asked everyone what their dream occupation is. A whopping 41 people responded. That was the best turnout I've gotten so far! I really love the responses I got. There were so many different occupations mentioned, and some of them I already knew about those people, but I was completely surprised by others. I'm not even going to separate them into categories, because there was such a wide range.      The first answer I received was from a good friend of mine, who said she'd love to have and run her own farm and live in a remote part of New Hampshire or Maine, and be content in life. I

5/10/17      We all have things about ourselves we wish we could change. Among those things are these nasty things we have called bad habits. No matter what the habit is, the common denominator is that they are all bad, whether they are bad for our health, the environment, or society itself. The very definition of a bad habit is " a negative behavioral pattern ." Most of the time, the thing that makes it a "bad habit" is that other people hate when you do it. No matter where you go, your habits will bother someone, and there's no doubt that they will let you know it. I know that bad habits are hard to kick, and I've had my fair share of them.  I don't care who you are, everyone has some kind of habit, whether they know it or not. Tonight I asked what some other people's bad habits are.      Nail biting. This is probably the most common one, and it was the first response I received. It's also my worst bad habit. I'll be doing someth