The New Me

6/15/17      I do realize it's been two weeks since I've posted anything. Time and time again, I keep letting myself down. I keep letting life get in the way. I can never stick to anything I say I'm going to do. I guess there's a few reasons for that. I'm selfish; I have more interest in being out, hanging out with friends, and having fun, and then when I get home I have no motivation to force myself to sit down and write. Maybe I need more self-discipline, who knows. Life always gets in the way of things I'm meant to be doing. There are so many things and people that require my attention; I guess maybe I don't have enough to go around. I wish I could be a better girlfriend, daughter, sister, auntie, friend. But I just simply lack many of the things that it takes. I do nothing with my life, nothing too exciting or productive at least. So why can't I do this one simple damn thing? Write something, anything, once a day? Why can't I commit to...

5/31/17      I am just a girl, who doesn't know when to shut up. I'm a woman who can stand up for herself, who knows what she deserves, who believes in things and sticks to those beliefs. I am creative, because I can look at trash and turn it into a treasure. I'm a teacher, because I have the patience to show you what I know without giving up on you. I'm an artist, because I can see the bigger picture and am able to create something truly beautiful. I'm a writer, because I am more able to put my feelings on paper than to actually speak them out loud. I'm a daughter, of two wonderful people who have taught me how to be who I am. I'm a sister, and I've built an incredible bond with my siblings, who have always supported me and taken care of me. I'm an auntie, to two amazing little children, who I love to watch laugh, grow and dance. I'm a girlfriend, to the best man in the entire world, who is always there to pick me up when I fall, and who wi...

5/30/17      Anthony: I went to a shrink today. He told me that I need medication. He said my irrational behavior comes from something called bipolar disorder. But I am NOT crazy. He prescribed me the meds, and I never went and picked them up. I'm NOT crazy. I'm fine. I'm happy, actually. I just started my new job, and it's going pretty well. The therapist told me that I needed to take my new meds and stay out of work for a few days while I get used to them. That I should rest. Well, doctor's orders. I have to call my boss today and tell him the news. I don't know how he'll take it. He isn't the nicest guy, and he doesn't take any BS. I'm kind of nervous. I also have a girlfriend, Cherise, who is amazing, and we live together. I haven't told her about my diagnosis yet, either. I think she'll understand, and she'll definitely stick with me through this. I'll be fine. I'm not crazy.      Cherise: Anthony just called ...

5/29/17      This is a story I wrote based on a real news article that occurred about 5 years ago.      James: I didn't understand why they wanted to hurt me. Mommy and her boyfriend said "We have to go away now." And then they dropped me off at a building with bright lights and lots of people were wheeling me on a big boy bed into a room. Then they told me they would be there when I woke up and I fell asleep. I must have been really sleepy. I had dreams that we lived in a big house and that Mommy's boyfriend went away. The little bags of powdered sugar that he sucked up with a straw were gone, and we had a freezer full of ice cream and chicken nuggets. Nobody ever wanted to make purple spots on my skin that hurt when I poked them. When I woke up, I couldn't see anything and I didn't remember anything from before I went to sleep. I didn't know why the lights were off, but the strangers in white coats told me that I couldn't see ...

5/25/17      I was never a big partier in high school. I didn't really care for drugs or alcohol, besides smoking a little bit of weed every now and then. But people I knew were into hard drugs. People that I was close with. I couldn't really see the appeal in it; I knew it killed people I loved, I knew that the drugs took over people's lives and tore them apart. It didn't just hurt the people that were doing it. It hurt everyone around them. Their families, their friends, their coworkers and teachers. I think in school everyone talked about it, but no one confronted it. No one wanted to actually own up to it. Nobody wanted to help the people that were struggling; they only wanted to turn a blind eye and wait for something to happen, for it to go away on its own. But it never did. It kept getting worse and worse, until it consumed my classmates. It took over the school, it turned people against each other. Not only did they get in trouble with the law, but the...

5/24/17      Do you ever wake up from a dream and wonder "What the hell was that?!" It happens to me all the time. The dreams I do remember are always followed by a sense of confusion. Sometimes I wake up sweating, disoriented, sometimes I wake up happy and smiling, or angry. My most memorable dream is one where I am running through this field full of beautiful flowers, it's a nice, warm sunny day, and I am running through these flowers, without a care in the world. Then I hear something chasing me, and I turn around and it's my mother with a knife. I've had this dream since I was a little girl, for as long as I can remember. Every time I have it, the knife my mother is holding gets a little bit bigger. I'm not even going to try and imagine what this dream might mean. Some people try to interpret your dreams, but I don't know if all of them actually mean something. Maybe it's just because I had Chinese food for dinner, who knows? Maybe it's ...

5/22/17      A true story      The girl looked down at her phone. She had one message waiting for her in her inbox. "We have to talk," it said, and that was all. No other explanations. She set her phone down on the counter, wondering to herself what it could be. She had a weird feeling that it would not be something good. Her heart did a somersault in her chest. Somehow in her heart, she knew it was over.      The next day, he came over to her house. Her parents were out of town on vacation, and she was the only one home. They sat outside on the porch swing, their legs dangling side by side. He sat as far away from her on the swing as he could, not making eye contact. "What is it?" she asked him, her heart racing.      "I don't think I can be with you anymore," he said, and slowly turned his head to look at her. She looked into his bright eyes, seeing nothing. Not love, not compassion, not an o...