Chapter Thirty-One: It's Like I Got a Love, and I Know That it's ALL Mine


8/8/17


     Okay. I know it's been way too long, almost two months, since I've written anything. But this is the post that everyone has been waiting for. As most of you know, I have a long-distance boyfriend of almost five months. We had been arranging for him to come to New Hampshire to visit for about two months. We both were very nervous but excited to meet each other. I can't even describe all the emotions I went through in anticipation of his arrival. At first when it was just something we were talking about, I was like, Yes! I'm so excited, this is crazy, he's really going to come here just to see me. But then he bought his plane ticket, and all of a sudden my mind went crazy with what-ifs. What if he doesn't like me in person? What if he thinks I'm only beautiful in pictures? What if he thinks I'm not skinny enough? What if we have nothing to talk about? I started to get really nervous and wondered if this was the right thing to do.

     One night, I had a dream about Chris coming here. I picked him up at the airport in Boston, and we ran up to each other and hugged and everything was okay. I woke up feeling a sense of peace; knowing that we HAD to do this now or we never would. Somehow I had this gut feeling that everything would be okay. And of course, he already knew all my feelings, because he had the same exact ones. We each had our own kind of little freak-out in the weeks before he got here. And obviously, we communicated our every thought and feeling to each other, because we tell each other everything. Then all of a sudden, the day was only a few short days away and we were both so excited and just wanted him to be here already. I was planning day trips for us, thinking about places I wanted to take him and things I wanted to show him, people I really wanted him to meet. He came two days before my birthday. I couldn't sleep and I had a stomach bug; my sister-in-law said she thought it was because I was nervous. I couldn't eat for almost three days. The night before, we were talking on the phone, like we do every night, and we just kept saying "I can't believe it's finally here, we're going to actually see each other tomorrow" and it felt so weird. I honestly felt like I was dreaming. Every time I thought about it my heart started pounding so fast and a fresh wave of nerves surfed over my entire body. I fell asleep on the phone with him, like I do every night, and woke up at around 5 AM to text messages from Chris. "I'm on my way to the airport, baby! I'll text you before I take off!" That sure woke me up. I had stayed at my brother and sister-in-law's house and went downstairs and sat on the couch in silence, waiting for him to tell me he was taking off. I played with my nephew before everyone left to distract myself, but then they were all gone off to work and I was sitting there alone. About five minutes later, Chris texted me saying he was taking off, but that his flight might get in earlier but he wasn't sure what time exactly. I wished him a safe flight, told him I loved him, and then I tried to watch TV, but couldn't focus on it. So I went for a drive; I got a coffee, put gas in my car, cleaned out the car and vacuumed it completely, got a car wash, then drove back to the house and sat there, unsure of what to do.

     About four hours later I was still sitting there when I got a text message saying that he was about to land. I jumped up and ran out of the house and got in the car. I set the GPS for Logan Airport and it said it would take 53 minutes. The drive seemed way longer than it really was; there was no traffic and I was flying down the highway, singing loudly and thinking (obsessing, really) about what was about to happen. As soon as I got there, I called him saying I had arrived. He said he was inside charging his phone, and that he would come out. We stayed on the phone as he walked outside. He said he couldn't see me (I have a bright red car, so he would've seen me right away) and I figured out he was on the wrong side. So he said he would walk across. I was frantically searching for his face, waiting for the moment I would finally see him. Then, all of a sudden I saw him. I yelled something stupid, along the lines of "Hang up dummy, I'm right here!" and then I threw my phone and got out of the car. He started walking faster and as soon as he got to the car he hugged me and kissed me and all my nerves just kind of melted away. I knew immediately that this was the best decision I've ever made, and that we will ever make together. It was exactly like we'd been physically together this entire time; it felt so natural to be sitting next to him. But also so, so weird because we'd only ever heard each other's voice through a speaker and never in person. Somehow, though, his voice sounded exactly the same and he looked exactly the way I pictured him looking in person. I was very happy and so excited that he was finally here. I could tell that he wasn't nervous anymore, either.

     The ride to the hotel was good, we were just talking and listening to music the whole time. Honestly, if i could stress any more than i already have JUST HOW NATURAL everything felt, I really would. It felt right. To be honest, it felt like we were already married. I don't know how else to describe it. The day after he got here, we didn't do anything major, we just drove around and I showed him some of Manchester, where we were staying, and then I showed him Derry and a bunch of places there, and then we went to my friend Kim and Alan's house and hung out with them. It was really important to me that Chris met them, because they're my two best friends and I obviously want my boyfriend and my friends to get to know each other.
 
     Saturday was my birthday, and we woke up really early. Chris gave me my birthday present because neither of us could wait, and it was a beautiful charm bracelet with an elephant and a heart charm on it. I love it so much; he already knows me so well. I just want to smile whenever i think about that moment. The smile on his face when he realized i loved the gift just makes my heart melt every time i picture it. Then we went out to breakfast at the Red Arrow Diner with Rita, my sister-in-law, and Eliot, my adorable little nephew. I was most excited for Chris and Eliot to meet each other, because they are the two most important boys/men in my life. And Eliot has a pretty good track record of judging someone's character, even if he is a baby. Eliot instantly loved him, just like i had hoped. And Chris loved Eliot, too, i could tell. As soon as i saw them together, I instantly fell in love with Chris even more than I already was, which i didn't know was possible. After breakfast, we went back to Jared and Rita's and did some cleaning because the family was supposed to come for my birthday party. Chris and i did a BJ's run for some bulk items for the party, and we came back to the house and EVERYONE was there all at once. He met my paternal grandparents, Bob and Judy, my parents, Rob and Sheri, my brothers, Jonny and Jared, and my niece, Ellie. They all loved him instantly; I knew they would. Even Ellie gave him a hug and a kiss, and she is always very iffy with strangers. Hell, she barely ever even wants to hug me. We ate lunch/dinner, opened presents, played lawn games and watched the kids play in the pool, and ate some cake. Oh, and we had a lot of margaritas. I think Rita was trying to get my boyfriend drunk. Then my family left and all my friends came to celebrate my birthday with us. I can't really write much about that part, mostly because I can't remember it. I got a little more drunk than I planned, but I do know that everyone who mattered came out and had a good time, and most importantly, they all got to meet Chris, too, which turned out well. I don't think there was one person that didn't like him, or that he didn't like. It all played out 100X better than I could have ever dreamed of. The best birthday present of all was just having my love with me, by my side, and all my friends and family being able to spend time with him.

    Sunday we went to the mountains with Kim and Alan. We showed him Lake Winnipesaukee, the White Mountains, Weirs Beach, Mount Major, Conway, all those great places. Monday we went to Sculptured Rocks in Hebron, New Hampshire with my brother Jared, our friend Derik, and Eliot, and had an amazing time there. Chris got to go swimming in a clear water river, shivered his ass off but loved it, and then we stopped in Plymouth on the way back and went to a little deli/pub called Biederman's and got some really good food and beers. Tuesday we went to Maudslay State Park in Newburyport with Kim and did some hiking and exploring and took some awesome pictures, then we went to downtown Newburyport for some shopping. We had no idea it was Yankee Homecoming that day, which was an added bonus. We got some gelato, walked around to all the shops and little booths that were selling cool stuff, walked along the harbor and listened to some live music. It was a pretty great day. That night, we got all dressed up and went on a proper date (to Olive Garden, the place Chris had been waiting to go to for months HAHA). It was very nice and romantic and we had a lot of fun together. On Wednesday, Chris and I went to Hampton Beach for pretty much the whole day. We walked up and down the entire boardwalk a few times, got some souvenirs and some saltwater taffy, then walked down the beach on the edge of the water for a while. Then we got in the car in the late afternoon and I drove down the strip, then along the coast all the way to Rye. We stopped at Odiorne Pointe and I tried to show him the bunkers, but they had been blocked off. We were both pretty disappointed, especially because I had previously hyped up the bunkers when I was telling him about going inside them. We decided to just go back to the hotel and watch movies and hang out, because we had done a lot of hiking and walking in the past few days and we were exhausted. \

     On Thursday, we checked out of the hotel and went to Boston for the day, because Chris's flight was at 4:55 that day. We were both pretty sad because it was his last day here, and we didn't want our time together to be over. We had a pretty frustrating time navigating Boston, finding a spot to park that wouldn't cost a million dollars, and dealing with Masshole drivers, but we still laughed and held hands through it all, just grateful to have the time we had. We walked around through Faneuil Hall and then saw some street performers and I showed him the huge Newbury Comics because they don't have those in Texas. Then we went to Wahlburgers and ate some delicious burgers before we had to go to the airport. I started crying thinking about how I was about to drop him off. Then we started driving to the airport, and there was so much traffic because of a Red Sox game at Fenway, and we didn't get to the airport until 4:10. We both were crying by then, hugging each other, dreading the moment we had to let go. Then he went into the airport and I just lost it. I was sitting in my car, blocked in by four other cars who decided to stop illegally, bawling my eyes out. Finally, I got the strength (and room) to drive away, and I realized I was about to run out of gas. Just my luck. So i got onto the highway and had to immediately find a Malden exit to get off on to find a gas station. My car said I had 8 miles till empty. I finally found a gas station after asking two different managers at the 99 restaurant (always the real deal) and filled up. I got back onto the highway only to be stuck in traffic again. 
 
     I got a text message from Chris saying he had a feeling he was going to miss his flight because he was stuck in the security line and his flight was already boarding. I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. 45 minutes into the traffic and i got another text saying he missed his flight. I called him and he said he couldn't get another flight until the next day. I started to panic, thinking he would have to sleep in the airport; I wouldn't even be able to get back there anytime soon if I were to try. Then I had a brilliant idea; why not take advantage of the bajillion modes of transportation that Boston has to offer? I three-wayed Kim and she helped him find a way to get back because i was driving and couldn't look at a map. This man took a bus to South Station from the airport, switch subways twice to get to North Station, and then take an hour train ride from North Station to Haverhill Station just to get back to me. We got to spend one more night together, even though we had to say goodbye again the next day. And he didn't even know where he was or where he was going; he just completely trusted us to get him to me. That right there is how I knew that Chris is the one for me. I know how dedicated and supportive he is, how kind and smart and handsome and amazing he is, and most importantly, how much he loves me. The eight days I spent with him were, I kid you not, the absolute best 8 days of my life. Everything that i had ever hoped, dreamed, wished for in a man is all rolled into this one. Everything feels better, more lively, more RIGHT when he's around. I've felt horrible since he left; like my heart was ripped out of my chest and taken 2,000 miles away from me. I feel like my spirit went right back to how it was before he came; empty and sad and lonely and bored. I can't wait until he comes back to me, for good, and I can spend the rest of my life with this man. Things couldn't have worked out better; God couldn't have picked me a better soulmate, at a more random time and place. I know both of us are dedicated to making this work, no matter how difficult it is, or how hard we have to work to do so. I'm in love with him, and he'os in love with me, and every single thing that made me scared or nervous before now just seems so unimportant, and silly. This is my person, forever. Christopher Jasso, I love you.<3

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