Chapter Nine: Grief and Friends

4/27/17

     Grief. It's a tough thing to go through. I know that everyone has lost someone, whether it be a pet, a best friend, a classmate, or a family member. I've lost all of those. Everybody handles it in their own way, some better than others. It's okay, nobody can tell you how to handle your grief. I always have a particularly hard time getting over things. I admire people who can just look at it, have a good cry and shrug it off, and move on with their life. For tonight's post, I decided to interview 12 people who are my friends, both male and female, of all different ages, and ask them one simple question: How do you handle your grief? I wanted to know, when you lose someone, or go through a divorce, breakup, whatever, how you cope and get through that grief that comes along. I got a very wide range of answers, and it was an interesting process for me. Now, just so you know, I'm not judging any of these. Like I said, everyone has their own coping mechanisms.

     The first person I talked to told me that in the past, she's turned to vices such as alcohol, nicotine and marijuana. She also goes to the gym to work out her anger and sadness, and tries to get out and meet new people to cheer herself up. I talked to someone else who takes her emotions and bottles them up inside, until they turn to anger and she explodes. She also likes to punch things, which I totally understand, because it feels really good. But please don't punch a person, I'm not condoning violence. I spoke to someone else who copes with loss by listening to music and letting out all her anger and sadness in belting out noises, and always letting it out even if it makes her look like "a freak on a leash" (her words, not mine! hahaha).

     I spoke to another woman who said she prays about whatever she's going through, crying it out, and trying to distract herself with TV, and going to counseling. My other friend told me he likes to find new projects to immerse himself in, keeping his mind busy with constructing or building things, and being productive. It was very interesting to me how one of them said they like to distract their brain with a mindless activity, but the other does the same by putting his brain to work.

 

    There were many others, such as surrounding yourself with the people you love to help you get through it, venting to loved ones, and learning new things. Some chose to bottle it all up inside and only let it out when they were alone, and others like to talk to people about it, whether it be counseling or just venting to someone they are completely comfortable with. Some liked to learn new things or new skills to keep their mind off whatever they were going through. The general consensus, though, was that they all try to keep a positive attitude and tell themselves that this isn't forever, it will get better, and everything happens for a reason. I think that's the most important part. It's the part I always have the hardest time with, for some reason.

     When I lose someone, I always get super sad and negative and wonder why this is happening. It takes me a long time to stop being so down and try to move past it, but I always have to remind myself that life goes on, and there will be a day when all of this is better, and it helps me to get through it. All the people in my life I have standing beside me definitely help as well. Just the feedback I got from gathering information for this post, was overwhelming. I thought some people would think it was kind of personal and wouldn't want to answer it, but it was pretty amazing. So I'd like to take a minute just to thank everyone for helping me out with this!

     In conclusion, there are many ways to cope with grief. You all know about the five stages and all that stuff. Some ways are more positive than others, and that's okay. We still find a way to get by, no matter what, and that's the important part. But be on the lookout! You never know what someone may be going through, and you could be the one to help. You just don't know.

xx